Settling Arguments

Value Communication and Negotiation. My husband and I were having lunch the other day with some dear friends, Marty & Geri. Because they have as many grandchildren as we do and they had 8 children and we had six, lessons taught children in awkward and funny circumstances always is discussed. This time we discussed at length the value of settling arguments or the value of teaching grandchildren how to settle arguments. They told us some of their philosophies of how they taught their children to settle their own arguments. Because it was always difficult with 8 children to know where the argument started they would take both children and sit them on the stairway and tell them that they could not move until they were friends again. Sometimes it would take a short time and sometimes it would take a long time. As these children sat on the stairs they would have to decide whose turn it was to play with which toy. Sometimes it was very difficult. But after a while they would both come down from the stairway and go back to what they were doing. Sometimes Geri would see her children take themselves to the stairway to discuss a problem and then go back to playing. The stairway was neutral ground where they could both think clearly about the outcome of their dilemma. Sometimes Marty could hear negotiations coming from the middle of the floor. The children didn’t always need to go to the stairway. These children had learned the art of negotiation without argument which has kept these siblings friends to this day some 30 years later. Isn’t it essential for us to teach this to our children in this day and age where there is so much to disagree about with our peers and our own siblings? Teaching children to negotiate a peaceful settlement is a value worth teaching.

Renee and the ladybug (Asian beetle)

Value Learning: I was out in the back yard with a three year old the other day when she discovered a lady bug. It was a beautiful September day and the ladybug was not red but it was orange. She had it between her fingers and was trying to see what it was doing. When it fell onto the grass, I found a leaf for it to crawl upon so that we could be gentler. It crawled off the leaf and onto her arm. She patiently let it crawl and I again brought the leaf under its body so that we could change its location. After a few minutes it dropped again into the grass and we decided that we should let him play. We talked about the lady bug and the things it would eat and spoke about its life. What a delightful learning experience for us, together, as we celebrated the value of learning – the value of learning about nature.