A Mother Has Needs

We know that when everyone has a holiday, a mother doesn't. When everyone wants to take it easy, a mother: feeds people all day long, tends to little ones who are up at 5 am, talks to teens until way after midnight, helps look for lost items, helps to refill air in soccer balls or bike tires, plans activities, greets extra friends at the door and cleans up those extra spills on the kitchen floor.

Christmas is especially difficult because a mom is expected to do more fancy baking, expected to decorate, expected to buy the presents, expected to do the wrapping, expected to help kids to purchase presents for siblings or great aunts.

She is expected to go to concerts at school, to be a party organizer, and to dry winter-wear overnight. As well, she tries to keep up with the mounds of laundry, normal meals, and the monitoring of the comings and goings of each family member.

A mother needs a maid to come in to clean up so that she can see the floor in the bathroom or find things in the closet. The maid also has to do laundry and windows.

A mother needs a cook to come in and put ready-to-eat meals in her freezer and make cookies for after school snacks.

A mother needs a busboy to come in nightly to clean the kitchen, empty the dishwasher and fill it so that her kitchen is clean the next morning.

A mother needs a plumber to fix leaks, take hair out of the sink drains and help with flooding toilets.

A mother needs a cosmetologist to fix her hair, her nails and her make-up so that she feels beautiful when she is home or out.

A mother needs a wardrobe consultant to advise her on her choices for the day - especially when things are too tight, baggy or out-of-date.

A mother needs a Pilate’s instructor to help her to exercise to feel rejuvenated.

A mother needs a spa coordinator to give her back her serenity with a full body massage and a facial to help with worry lines and crow’s-feet.

A mother needs a dental hygienist to clean her teeth when she goes for days not finding her toothbrush.

A mother needs a chauffeur to run the kids to school or a ball game that someone has to be to “NOW” and she is not dressed.

A mother needs a psychologist to advise her on how to handle a moody family member.

A mother needs a personal shopper to buy groceries without 3 in tow and little fingers putting extras into the basket. That shopper must also make some late night trips to the store for last minute project supplies or for the forgotten office potluck salad.

A mother needs a babysitter to keep the 3 kids from killing each other, tearing the house apart or coming in and out when she is trying to take a bath to relax.

A mother needs a smiling hologram of her standing in the middle of the house reassuring her family that they still cares in spite of being passed out on the bed from exhaustion.

A mother needs a vacation without the kids - to take a deep breath & to celebrate that she is still alive.

A mother needs a partner to love and cherish her and tell her that she is worth the sun, the moon and the stars and that raising a family is worth it.

That partner will also be there to make sure it all works out.

Belief: Life After Death

Value: Belief We have had two distant cousins die in the last week from illnesses that have been brutal on each of these individuals. The first cousin died of ALS where the family watched a brilliant mother and wife who had been a gardener, a candy maker, and a community minded individual become unable to care for herself. The second cousin was a mother who survived cancer for 21 years and finally passed away in hospital. We had a daughter who died two years ago of colon cancer. She fought a good fight for 4½ years. She left four wonderful children still in their pre-teen state and a wonderful husband who cared for her each and every day. She had wonderful friends and family that rallied by her side with all modern medicine could do, but still the Lord wanted her home. She was heard calling out to and speaking briefly to her late grandmother who she saw at the foot of her bed the day before she died. Because I believe in life after death, in a life with loved ones and family, I know with all of my being that this life is not the end. All deaths are hard because we do not have them with us in this life to be part of our daily activities, but it is easy to know that it won’t be long until we are together again, laughing and talking in a world that is free of death, sorrow and pain. Value Belief!

Reading: Read To Me

Value: Reading Last month, I was impressed with an auto glass repair shop for having a book shelf in their waiting room along with a table full of magazines. On that book shelf were a several books that were unusual for an auto shop, for example: History of Art, RV Repair and Maintenance Manual, and Story of Painting. How nice it was to think that someone’s new talent for the future may have been found in one of those books. I love books. I look at, read, study, and peruse. I catalogue all my books at home by topic like a library so that I can find what I am looking for very easily. We have books for reference, like dictionaries, languages, gardening, computers, cooking, health, psychology, parenting, teaching, writing, etc. We have always had a collection. We get books from libraries, book stores (physical stores or online), or from garage sales, second hand stores, neighbors and ‘free to me’ book drop offs. My latest acquisitions have been the classics or other books - in duplicate. I keep them in my car and one grandchild will take one and then I can read with them in person, over the phone, or on FaceTime or Skype. Last night a 6 year old sat next to me intensely listening as I read the first 2 chapters of The Indian in the Cupboard. Cherish reading. Read to your children or those in your charge. Have them read to you or to each other. Turn off your other gaming electronics for an hour or more each day to foster reading. Imaginations can be fostered, interests can be captured and magic can happen thru books. Grades will improve and you will ignite a love of reading for the rest of their lives. Value Reading!

Time With My Daughter

Value Time! I picked up my married daughter from work a few nights ago, just because she needed the ride and I needed some time to just talk to her. It had been months since I had had any visit at all. The time went fast and we just talked, saying generally nothing, but spent that time together like the good old days when she was in high school. Back then I would pick her up from her evening job at the Welling store. Tonight, as we drove in drive way, she had to run saying a quick goodbye. We had spent less than 40 minutes together. We didn’t stop for gas or a pop or even a Slurpee like we sometimes do, but it was short and sweet, and I was privileged to be able to spend that time. Value Time!

Family Recipes

Value: Tradition My daughter asked me the other day for some recipes for her son – recipes that I used to make. Years ago, when I had teenagers, I took my recipes and carefully wrote my favorite ones - each on a half sheet of paper in my own handwriting and printed them out in pink paper. Then I bound each set together with a coil ring so that my daughters would have our favorite recipes to take with them babysitting, to a friends’ house, or off to college. It has been more than 20 years since I made up those little books and those pages have long since been lost, but I did type them into the computer and they are sealed in my memory.

Thinking about my daughter’s request, I went through my recipes on the computer and printed off the ones that would have been in that little notebook long ago. I have added a few more that have been special and I just glued them all into a little journal. Now, I have the nucleus of a book that I can make up for my grandchildren. Of the recipes I have collected, there are some from my in-laws and some from my daughter’s and son’s in-laws – a real family combination. This will be a fine tribute to our family. It is a collection of good food, special tastes, and valued memories. Value Tradition!

Family Celebrations

Value: Tradition This past week-end my daughter’s neighborhood was brimming with families all celebrating Cinco de Mayo – Children were playing with cousins and friends. Mothers were visiting with sisters and fathers were visiting with brothers. Two friends were tossing the football on the front lawn. The barbecue was on the patio with the fresh scent of meat and barbecue sauce as well as sounds were heard from the celebration at the park close by. It was a day of celebration. Family is important. We need the friendship, the support, the belonging that comes from friends and family. Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Mexican army’s 1862 victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Franco-Mexican War. Today, the holiday has evolved into a celebration of Mexican culture and heritage. The picture attached is one from this celebration. Value Tradition!

Hillside Funeral

Value: Serenity We were at the funeral last week of a first cousin once removed. As each of the five grown children got up to tell little stories about their mother it was evident that their mother loved a good time with her family laughing and singing, hiking and traveling. She spent many hours improving her education and researching her ancestors. As each child told of fun family experiences the congregation was entertained by their comical treasured moments with their mom. On a more serious note, the music and final remarks by her Bishop reminded us of the Gospel plan of where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going. As the family and friends gathered at the grave site, we were surprised to learn of a delay in the final graveside service. Many could have found fault or could have been upset, but as the cool breeze blew across the hillside, family and friends waited patiently providing more time for family to visit and to meditate on the beautiful surroundings of the final resting place of this dear mother. Value serenity!

Settling Arguments

Value Communication and Negotiation. My husband and I were having lunch the other day with some dear friends, Marty & Geri. Because they have as many grandchildren as we do and they had 8 children and we had six, lessons taught children in awkward and funny circumstances always is discussed. This time we discussed at length the value of settling arguments or the value of teaching grandchildren how to settle arguments. They told us some of their philosophies of how they taught their children to settle their own arguments. Because it was always difficult with 8 children to know where the argument started they would take both children and sit them on the stairway and tell them that they could not move until they were friends again. Sometimes it would take a short time and sometimes it would take a long time. As these children sat on the stairs they would have to decide whose turn it was to play with which toy. Sometimes it was very difficult. But after a while they would both come down from the stairway and go back to what they were doing. Sometimes Geri would see her children take themselves to the stairway to discuss a problem and then go back to playing. The stairway was neutral ground where they could both think clearly about the outcome of their dilemma. Sometimes Marty could hear negotiations coming from the middle of the floor. The children didn’t always need to go to the stairway. These children had learned the art of negotiation without argument which has kept these siblings friends to this day some 30 years later. Isn’t it essential for us to teach this to our children in this day and age where there is so much to disagree about with our peers and our own siblings? Teaching children to negotiate a peaceful settlement is a value worth teaching.

Cyber Bullying

Value Communication & Technology. It is used for so many wonderful things and wonderful learning experiences, but it can also be used in destructive ways. We have a responsibility to protect our children by educating them in the ways to act, use and to behave on the internet and with our technology. You can help by educating your family. According to http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/cyber-bullying-statistics.html there is a problem. “Cyber bullying affects many adolescents and teens on a daily basis. Cyber bullying involves using technology, like cell phones and the Internet, to bully or harass another person. Cyber bullying can take many forms: 1. Sending mean messages or threats to a person’s email account or cell phone. 2. Spreading rumors online or through tests 3. Posting hurtful or threatening messages on social networking sites or web pages. 4. Stealing a person’s account information to break into their account and send damaging messages. 5. Pretending to be someone else online to hurt another person. 6. Sexting, or circulating sexually suggestive pictures or messages about a person. In an article published by Raychelle Cassanda Lohmann M.S., L.P C., on May 14, 2012, in Psychology Today, she tells how teens can protect themselves. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/teen-angst/201205/cyberbullying-versus-traditional-bullying 1. Tell a trusted adult if you’re being cyber bullied. 2. If you know someone who’s being a cyber bully, tell her/him to knock it off, if they don’t report it. 3. Contact host/site provides if inappropriate materials is being posted on their site. 4. Save all evidence if you’re being bullied online. Don’t delete without keeping a coy for yourself. 5. Don’t respond to rude messages 6. If someone angers you, wait, don’t fire off a rude comeback. It’ll only make things worse. 7. Don’t share personal information online. 8. Protect your user name and password. Don’t share it with friends. 9. Don’t open anything from someone you don’t know 10. Keep privacy settings on your computer. Secure your information 11. Choose your friends wisely. 12. Only accept close friends on your social networking sites. 13. Don’t post anything online that you wouldn’t mind your parents seeing. 14. Most importantly, treat others as you want to be treated. My children and my grandchildren have already been subjected to these kinds of things and I feel that it has to stop. We need to educate our children to report problems as they happen to their parents and also, if necessary, to legal authorities. We can protect our children by educating them to be able to act and not react. Technology Self Defense is a Value.

Walnut Trees

Value Service: One day, we found out there was a neighbor giving away walnuts from the trees in her yard. We decided to take 4 of our grand-children, so we loaded the them into our vehicle and headed down the street. As we went to the door, Natalie came out and we were told again that we could pick or knock down what we wanted out of the tree. The trees were huge and the bottom branches on the first tree were over 10 feet above the ground. The second tree had lower branches. Not seeing any walnuts on the ground, we were discouraged and decided to allow the eldest to try climbing the tree to see what he could do, but the remaining walnuts were far out of his reach. In spite of being disheartened, we enlisted everyone's help to provide a service by filling their bags with leaves that had been knocked off the tree by previous harvesters. As the six of us started picking up the leaves, we found walnuts lying under them. They had been pressed into the lawn by other visitors and were temporarily hidden from our view. “I found one,” came a cry from one of the children. “Here is another,” someone called out. So, we learned the value of service and the blessings that come from that service. We returned home with more than 2 quarts of walnuts, stories of climbing trees, picking leaves and visiting with the owner and of course, our stop for an Oreo McFlurry. We were able to experience the physical rewards, as well as the reward of feeling good in our hearts for doing a service.