Cell Phones 24-7

I spent a wonderful afternoon on Monday, working in a friend's garden. What a nice visit we had as we quartered off the area and did our selected duties. It was Monday, May 24th, a holiday. We were not bothered by other people, animals or phone calls. We relished every minute of the quiet. We heard birds sing, children laughing and sounds of mowers in the neighborhood yards.

Later when I came home, I checked my cell phone in my pocket and found that it was not turned on. I had turned it off on Sunday and had not turned it on again. I smiled to myself and thought about those days when I was tied to the phone for calls from family and other responsibilities

I love my home phone, my cell phone and my computer, but I have learned that my solitude and my alone time needs to be mine. There is plenty of time during a working day to catch all of the phone calls. Phones systems are made now to take messages or we can just wait for people to phone back during business hours.

One of these days, I will do a study on the stress of being on call 24/7. In the meantime, I know in my heart that our time is not a time for being on call for someone else. It takes away from my time with my family, my time for work, and my time to just be. I want my free moments to be a time to dream and to ponder my memories. It's like having my own garden. Then, I'm rejuvenated to better know what calls I need to make or tackle the calls as they come.

Creating a Friendship

Who can say how much time it takes to create a friendship? Does it take an hour, a month, or a lifetime? Sometimes you know in a minute that someone is a kindred spirit. Why must it take forever for others? What is the value of time?

It doesn’t take so long to create a friendship as it does creating consistency in communication and making it a part of our life. Communication comes in different packages. Here are four ways communication helps friendship to grow:

Friendship grows when we take time to listen. Sometimes it is one talking and other times it is the other one talking – not one sided. Nor is it constantly talking about one subject. It is talking about thoughts and ideas, dreams and wishes. It is in a look, a sigh, a dream. It takes time to listen. It takes concentration and self restraint. We are sometimes gregarious creatures that love to talk about ourselves and our own ideas, but that fact can grow old if we are always the one talking.

Georgina just wanted to spout off. Samantha was busy with a project at home and wanted to get it done. Suzi had been hurt and ridiculed and there was no one else in site to listen to the difficulties she was having at the time. Samantha found her crying on the front steps of the office building. Feeling compassion and following a feeling she had to listen, Georgina was able to vent her anger and then to hurt feelings that took a listening ear. Soon there was interest and laughing coming from their direction. A distraught moment had turned to a friendship that continued. Samantha and Georgina had become friends and spent some interesting work breaks talking about things that they had in common.

Friendship grows as we spend time with each other. Time – something that is so rare today but is all around us. There is value in walking in the park for 30 minutes. Value is seen in doing things together - working on a project. There is value in going for a drive and sharing in the beauties of nature. There is value in just sitting together over a hamburger.

Charlene and Ray were feeling like they had nothing in common and were not spending quality time together. Charlene wanted to talk. Ray didn’t know what to say. They took a drive to a near by nature preserve, neither one saying anything. Little by little, they spoke to each other about the weather, the beautiful day. They both enjoy photography and began taking pictures of the lake, trees and distant beauties. Quite often the car would stop and a camera would come out of the window fixed on an object. Soon, time was spent out of the car just getting the right angle or focus. They expressed confidence in each others photo gathering and even joked about framing their art and learning how to display it in a fashion that would be salable. They took the time to share in something non threatening or something that was non descript. It was out of one person’s expertise where the other person may feel uncomfortable.

Friendship grows when we anticipate each other’s needs through service. We know when someone is hungry or when they are tired. Then we give them food or give them space to rest. Fixing a meal or straightening the bed or helping with work is time spent thinking about the other person. When we go out of our way to help someone, it is like walking in their shoes not for a mile but for a step or two, empathizing with their needs.

Mary and Carl Jones were getting on in years and found that their yard was beginning to be more than they could work with on their own. Illness had curbed their ability to take care of their property at that time. Many attempts to call a young man down the street to care for their yard had left them forlorn. Lawn service companies were much more than the Jones could afford. One sunny afternoon, Chuck and Jenny, neighbors from several blocks away, maybe 10 years younger and still physically active, came by one day with their mower, rake and garbage sacks and proceeded to work in Mary and Carl’s yard. At first they were hesitant to accept such a sign of intrusion, but with kind tones and swift action, their service was a token of friendship. That only happened once, but the service came at a time when it was difficult for the Jones. Several times later Chuck or Jenny would just stop by to say hello. Since then, Jones have been able to continue by themselves. Yet, the friendship that was developed that sunny afternoon was one they will never forget.

Friendship grows when we share in each other’s growth and development. We encourage improvement in physical fitness. We encourage education and learning and we make that possible.

Kay loved painting and working with her hands. She was talented with crocheting and sewing. One day, she became interested in making dolls. She painted their faces, attaching the heads, arms, and legs to soft cloth bodies. Her sewing skills were shown in her ability to make dresses, jackets, or crocheted hats and sweaters. Her husband encouraged her interest and soon it turned into a business she could do from her home.

Friendship takes effort and communication. It takes appreciation that one person has for another’s time and interest. It is a two way street with both parties needing to focus on doing good things – little by little - for people they just meet or people they care about.

Cousin Address List

I had a ‘bee in my bonnet’ this morning. I was interested in gathering up the names and addresses of all my children and those children of my siblings to make a ‘Cousin’s Address List.’ Cousins were always important to me when I was young, so I thought that I would make it possible that my children would have the opportunity to communicate with cousins, if they chose to do so.

Back in the day, things were different. Families stayed together and didn’t move too far from the home place. Families were more nuclear and many things rotated around the family and everyone kept in touch. Cousins lived right around the corner from each other.

Now, jobs take us from one corner of the nation to another. It is now thought that we change professions three times in our life, so not only do we move to go where the jobs take us, but we re-educate and move some more. Thus, many of our family members are scattered. We have our lives so packed with our own needs and wants that we have very little time for family or extended family, especially if we need to travel long distances.

Thus, I called, e-mailed and visited my siblings and my husband’s siblings, and their offspring to find all the names, phone numbers, address and e-mails of all of their children, the cousins, on both sides of the family. That was a delightful exercise. I spoke to people that I had not spoken to in a long time. Not, that it was intended, but that I just had not taken the time to do so.

I am grateful now that I have those numbers. I found that three cousins all had babies within the last month. One cousin’s husband just graduated from university and two others just bought new homes. Congratulations are in order for these families with new ‘firsts’ in their lives. Is this a time to share more than just a quip on a web site? How about a real conversation?